Well Fed Writer's Comments

I just posted the final, edited version of "Storm Drain", the story I wrote for my mother's upcoming birthday. I think it's more focused than the original version. I cut a fair amount of descriptive text as I tend to over write that way. I also restructured the sentences into more active voice. I think it moves better as a result. If you're visiting my blog please leave comments on the two versions and let me know which you prefer.